The Hottie and the Nottie is a clich�d film that manages to be both predictable and offensive. That's OK, people who rent The Hottie and the Nottie won't be looking for high art or a subtle satire on the superficiality of the West Coast. In fact if you're thinking of renting The Hottie and the Nottie, there is likely only one reason: You're hoping to enjoy the movie because it is awful, the idea being that movies can be so bad they actually become enjoyable. It is a little like getting a kick out of watching Plan 9 from Outer Space.
The Hottie and the Nottie follows the travails of Nate Cooper (Joel Moore) as he tries to woo the "hottest girl in L.A.," Cristabelle Abbot (Paris Hilton). Nate's pursuit of Cristabelle is aided by his first-grade friend Arno Blount, played with enthusiasm by Greg Wilson, who happens to have a three-inch thick file on Cristabelle. Arno lives with his mother, so one surmises he has plenty of time to devote to cataloging first grade friends.
Arno informs Nate that to get to Cristabelle he has to find love, well a date at least, for Cristabelle's best friend June Phigg (Christine Lakin). That is where the trouble begins. Turns out that for every attractive hottie there is an equally unattractive nottie. It is a universal law of physics (odd, I don't remember that on any exams), according to Arno.
June Phigg is repulsive, both in looks and in personality. She has a mole with a hair growing out of it, teeth that would make a British dentist wince, and a balding pate. Oh, and don't forget the foot fungus that causes a toenail to fall of at an inopportune moment. But we all know it is what is on the inside that counts, and June is as ugly inside as she outside. Cheerless, sniping, and rolling in self-pity, viewers develop no sympathy for the character.
Predictably, because this is always the way with these kinds of movie, the protagonists comes to realize that he actually doesn't love Cristabelle. No, the object of his affection turns out to be June, the nottie. There are several disturbing elements to this plot twist. In well-done movies of this ilk, Nate would be slowly sucked in by June's hidden charms. In The Hottie and the Nottie Nate goes from completely smitten by Cristabelle to madly in love with June in about ten minutes. That's not even enough time for the beers to kick in!
The change of Nate's desire accompanies some serious changes in June. June is undergoing a massive makeover. A ton of dental work, a fair bit of plastic surgery, Rogaine for women, and presumably some fungus killing ointment later June becomes positively desirable. But what of her personality? That part of a person you actually spend you days with after you get used to the tight body? Apparently they have an operation for that too, because June goes from being intolerable to precisely the kind of person bad movies imagine people want to be with for the rest of their lives.
All that adds up to a bad movie, a really bad movie. Sadly, it isn't quite bad enough to enjoy for camp value. It is just bad enough to make you wish there was some unguent to make your brain forget you just set through 90 minutes of movie with 15 minutes of plot and Paris Hilton.
That's hot.
See Also
Saturday, 31 May 2008
The Hottie and the Nottie - 5/6/2008
